WRONG DEFINITION OF MASCULINITY

 WRONG DEFINITION OF MASCULINITY

Most men are
brought up with a wrong idea of what masculinity really is. They have the idea
that masculinity is associated physical strength, muscles, deep voice, pride,
ego, how much girls they can take to bed, their ability to bring down a woman
and the list could include much more. The degree of the conception of
masculinity could vary from culture to culture, they all in a way that the
woman is superior.



Only an
almost significant part of the African culture for example part of Ghana and
Niger Delta area of Nigeria attempts to protect the female child and values
them more than the male child. In most parts of Africa it is almost a taboo for
a woman not to bear a male child whom they believe will continue the paternal
legacy.

Even modern
cultures who pretend to place value on the woman child, it is not uncommon to
see the ill treatment of women. Some are abused physically and sexually with
the assailants going free or getting small jail terms. Only the coming of the
social media that has made the world a global village and gets loud outcries
when a crime against a woman comes to its attention that certain cultural and
governmental leaders come out hard and try to make a statement that they
condemn such barbarism against the girl child and adjust their laws to meet
international modern day standard.

However in
the course of paying attention to the girl child, the boy child has been
relegated to the background and forgotten and they are left to struggle by
themselves to make a meaning out of their struggling life. For some that is
what makes them men. People tend to forget that men have emotional needs as
much as women do. They consider emotional men as being women or worst
homosexuals. A gentle and soft man is considered weak. Wow!
The negative
consequence of the world’s view of masculinity isn’t what it is. A real man is
nice to women. He is gentle and takes the initiative to bring joy to his
environment. A real man won’t raise his hand on a woman or a man he considers
weak. His strength is directed towards making the lives of those around him
happier and meaningful.

He wouldn’t
rape a woman or another man just to prove he is a man. He is able to have
control of his emotions, feelings and his anger when it comes. He trains his
mind and heart to be responsive to kindness, humility and graciousness,
allowing that control his mental state rather having his head control him when
the occasion calls for it.

A friend
from Cameroun studying in Nigeria was amazed how young boys speak of how many
girls they had slept with. He said that would be embarrassing to say in his
country. He said young boys pride themselves with how many married women they
had slept with or are currently taking to bed. It would be a fall of hand to
come say you are sleeping with young unmarried girls. To him that is what a
real man is.

Both his
views and that of those priding over their escapades with unmarried girls are
wrong as that is not what masculinity is. A real man would make effort be
faithful to his partners and wouldn’t think of sleeping with another man’s wife
or girl. The number of girls or boys you sleep with doesn’t make you a man but
how well you treat your partner.

The size of
your manhood doesn’t make you a man. It is annoying when guys gather and they
try to size up their penis. When I was in my early teenagehood it was a problem
to me when guys in the compound will gather and show how big theirs is. Mine
was small and they advised me to use Vaseline on it to make it grow. I tried
unsuccessfully but look at me today, I am as large as interesting. I just got
depressed then for nothing.

Some guys
date and show off with it not because they want to but just to prove to other
guys they are acceptable. That is wrong. Never date out of peer pressure. A man
even in adulthood can chose to stay out of a relationship or sex. It is not
abnormal.

A real man
with real masculinity is in charge of his life and runs at his pace and set
standard based on high moral unwritten and written law. No one should impose
his funny view of masculinity on you.

Remember,
you have nothing to prove to anyone. Be yourself.

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