My Parents Wanted Marriage but I Choose Education – Sarah Eke
At 18, all mum wanted for me was marriage. We argued many times, and I was labeled a rebellious child because I wanted to get a degree before marriage.
Mum would wake me up every 2 a.m. to remind me of how poor they are and how they can’t afford me a university education, and the option left for me was marriage. I stood my ground, bought a Diploma form in 2011 without their knowledge. Alas! The forewarned unpleasant reality of not having the wherewithal for my university education dawned on me in 2011 when UNN offered me admission to read Linguistics.
All my parents could raise for me was 12K. Thank God for my elder sister who came to my rescue. And reacting to my elder sister’s assistance my elder brother said to my face and I quote “I still don’t understand why our elder sister is wasting money to send you to school. Money that could be used to support our younger brother’s dream of traveling abroad.” His reason is that most graduates hardly get good jobs.
Every other person was against my decision to get educated except my elder sister. Notwithstanding the hitches and struggles, I was awarded a diploma in 2013 with DISTINCTION. Sadly, my parents didn’t appreciate my effort because they aren’t literate enough to understand what it means and takes to graduate with distinction.
I kept my cool hoping to be celebrated by my second family in Aba because they are graduates. So I broke the news with excitement expecting congratulatory gestures from them, but all they could do was to undermine the feat with comments such as “You made it because of the leniency of UNN Aba campus lecturers. You can’t make first-class in UNN Nsukka campus?”
I felt very bad. Not satisfied with a diploma cert, I decided to work in order to save money for Degree. sadly, the highest paying job I could get with my certificate was 12K monthly. My little earning and the fresh memory of the challenges I faced doing a diploma almost made me give up on pursuing a degree.
With mixed feelings, I decided to try marriage but the relationship failed in 2015 because of genotype. I was troubled. Degree I no get, marriage I no get and I was 24. Fast forward to December, 31st 2015, I left the family prayer meeting to go pray in seclusion. I told God: “I am done making decisions for myself. I won’t even plan for 2016 because all my plans in the previous years failed. I leave myself in your hands. Any direction your wind blows me to, I will follow. I am done struggling for a better life.”
I wailed, groaned. I let out the entire burden in my heart for a fresh year. Into the quarter of the year, I started having a strong urge to go back to school. To make matter worse, people began sending me job openings for graduates and/or asking me if I was done with my Degree, and those who knew I didn’t have a degree kept pushing me to go back to school.
One evening, I told my sister that I am going back to school. My sister smiled at me and said: “Sarah I don’t want to start what I cannot finish.” That was expected because “I am going back to school, literally means “Get ready to spend money. She was my only pillar of material support in everything.”
I asked her to promise me that she will take care of my school fee while I take care of every other thing. She asked me how. I told her about the plan to WORK and STUDY. She was very skeptical about it and expressed concern about my overall.
Meanwhile, the school fee didn’t come in handy and I urgently needed money to beat the registration deadline. It got to a point that I had to use the money my sister’s husband gave me to give a business partner to pay my school fee. This caused a huge problem. School fee settled, registration done, however, there was no money for accommodation. I chatted Chizoba up begging him to allow me to stay in their family house while I do house chores for them in exchange.
Chizoba declined because I was just an online friend he had neither met nor known much about. Instead, he offered to help me get a female student who could squat me. Unfortunately, he couldn’t get anyone and I was left with only the option of staying with Jonathan, his friend. I accepted. Jonathan would leave the room for me to sleep in his neighbor’s room every night. One month into staying with Jonathan, his landlord asked me to pay him 20k to continue staying with him or leave. When the pressure from the landlord became unbearable for me, I left Jonathan’s place for Onyinye’s place. (still another connection from Chizoba).
She was an apprentice who was also struggling to survive. I had no food left. Chizoba would sneak food out of their house to bring for me. I stayed from morning to night without food. My food for a day sometimes was biscuits of N50 unless Chizoba brings food for me. Onyinye was always giving me this pity look and I became uncomfortable with it. So I left Onyinye to go stay with Chimsimdi, a new friend who accommodated me until I was able to pay my own part of the rent.
Life in school was so tough that several times I thought of dropping out. However, I kept telling myself that dropping out is an act of cowardice. Most times, I shed tears when I open my book to study. I suffered severe ulcer because food was always scarce at my end. This took a toll on my concentration. On the other hand, the pressure to get married kept coming from my mum.
Most of the times, I wished I could avoid traveling home after school because each time I traveled, mum will remind me of my mates who are married. After all the struggles, I graduated with a First Class Honors degree as the best in the Dept of Foreign Languages and second best in the Faculty of Arts, UNN with a CGPA of 4.76 at 28.
To all those that supported me in one way or the other, I say THANK YOU.
May this story be an encouragement to those that find themselves in similar situations. Keep up the fight!
There’s always light at the end of the tunnel. #KeepitOn
Source: Twitter – Sarah Eke @NwaAlayi